How To Pull A Successful All-Nighter

Most of us have pulled an all-nighter at some point in our lives. For those who haven't, you haven't lived.

Usually a thesis or test in another 8 hours are to blame. Those nights when you realise the impending doom that will occur when the sun rises.

But now you can put your days of despair behind you! Here's how:

1. Slap yourself.

Really hard. On the face.

You're a procrastinator. You're really good at procrastinating.

Maybe it'll wake you up. Or maybe, it'll remind you to start earlier.

2. Have a drink.

You deserve it. All those hours spent watching cats on YouTube have really taken a toll on your body. It's time to refuel for the big night ahead.

Go get some coffee or tea, but don't overdo it.

Avoid Red Bulls. They're for losers.

3. Eat something.

Eat foods with complex carbohydrates because they'll give you energy over a longer period of time like a sandwich or oats.

And I would strongly advise not to do anything ridiculous like cook a three-course meal.

4. Listen to music.

Avoid music with lyrics. Stick to instrumentals with a strong but fast bass. Blast it on your headphones. You don't want to be waking everyone up.

And please, avoid Miley Cyrus. Forever.

Clearly a musical genius.

5. Keep the lights on.

Some of us study under a single table lamp. Hopefully none of us study under candlelight or even worse, moonlight.

You need a good amount of light otherwise you'll be reminded of where you should be: in bed.

6. Don't text your friend.

If it's your friend that's bombarding you with text messages, chances are they're equally as screwed as you are.

Engage in conversation if it's relevant to work, but don't go off to discuss the mysteries of the universe either.

7. Don't Google "how to pull an all-nighter".

You'll end up reading about what you should be doing, when really what you should be doing is studying.

8. Man up.

Harden up. Like Metapod.

You will pull this all-nighter.

Give yourself a pep talk. Tell yourself that the fate of the human race rests on your shoulders.

Your number has been called. Your time is now.

No pressure of course!

Girls Are Like Movies

Girls are strange creatures.

They're a complex species. Difficult to understand.

They possess skills and talents that their male counterparts do not. I have heard extraordinary stories of girls teleporting between shops at the mall, multitasking and even not farting. How crazy is that?!

Multitasking right from the start.

Despite the incredible rumours, from my very extensive two minute study on the natural habitat and behaviour of the human female, I've come to discover one thing.

Girls are like movies.

The types of movies you like has a strong correlation to the types of girls you like. See for yourself!

The movies you like are:

1. Blockbusters.

You like a girl who is very social. She tends to hang out with her girlfriends a little too much. You suspect that she is a lesbian. She is perfect.

Yellow eyes? Must be jaundice.

2. Comedies.

You like a girl who has a colourful personality. She is probably hyperactive. She is perfect.

3. Science fictions.

You like a girl who is a little geeky. She enjoys talking about her favourite movies and loves being quizzed on them. She is perfect.

4. Fantasy fictions.
You like a girl who daydreams about strange things. She is a bookworm by choice and has read New Moon more than twenty times. She is perfect.

5. Oscar-winning.
You like a girl who excels at everything. She is competitive and hates losing. She is perfect.

6. Dramatic.

You like a girl who is more reserved in nature. She is probably a hopeless romantic. She is perfect.

7. Indie.

You like a girl who doesn't follow the mainstream. She is artistic and loves the creative side of life. She is perfect.

8. Action-packed with a million explosions.

You like a girl who is active and sporty. She often watches action movies just for the male star. You will probably be cheated on. She is perfect.

Cool guys don't look at explosions.

9. Thrillers.

You like a girl who loves a little danger in her life. She loves to be excited by something scary. She is perfect.

10. Family-friendly.

You like a girl who loves her family. She is sociable and enjoys making new friends. She is perfect.

Shutter Island is family-friendly. Just ignore the creepy old lady.

11. Romantic.

You like a girl who believes that having a boyfriend is the most important thing in life. She is wrong. She is perfect.

12. Absolutely horrifying.

You like a girl who is bold in nature. She probably studies science. She is perfect.

Greatest horror film of all time.