Buying Petrol with Ian

 
I bought some fuel for my car recently.

Buying petrol is a pretty big deal. It can set me back up to $80 every time I refuel.

Fred Flintstone be pimping in his new ride.

Obviously I've bought petrol before, but this time was definitely the worst time I've ever bought petrol.

So I'm driving down to the local station, pondering the mysteries of the universe, wondering what I could've spent $80 on besides petrol and of course, paying attention to the road.

Remember kids, drop five. Save lives.

Speed kills. Not if you're sober.

It's night time. No one goes out to buy petrol on a Wednesday night, right? Saves me the hassle of waiting.

Wrong. It's as if the entire neighbourhood is invited to Kate's party at the same petrol station I'm refueling at.

It's so crowded down there that cars are actually blocking the streets on both sides of the station.

And because cars have their fuel hatch on one side, you have to choose which booth you want wisely, otherwise the whole place ends up looking like mi goreng.

In retrospect, I could've walked away from the situation like a man, but I stood my ground like a BAUS.

But after waiting for about 10 minutes, I'm already bored of Angry Birds so I decide to investigate as to why I hadn't gotten my petrol yet.

I see the problem instantly. Up a few cars is a white Holden Colorado, basically a ute but bigger. Equally as big is the man standing next to it.

It wasn't this guy, but I wish it was.

 

He's refueling his car, but there's five jerrycans (portable petrol tanks) at his feet and he's refueling those as well.

Probably in his mid-40's, he looks like the sort of guy who eats microwave meat pies for breakfast, brunch, lunch, dinner and supper.

In other words, fat.

I don't approve of someone holding up the line like that. Besides, why would anyone have to refuel FIVE jerrycans?

2012 has already passed, so there's no need to worry about a zombie apocalypse, and I doubt he's off to fight the Second World War because that ended 70 years ago.

I decide to go over to the petrol hog and tell him to hurry up but before I can, I am rudely interrupted.

If you've never heard of Murphy's Law, it's a saying that goes like this:

"Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong"

Murphy's Law is one of those things that everyone can relate to.

Ever wondered why out of all the days you forget to bring your umbrella, it ends up raining? And whenever you do remember to bring an umbrella, it's nice and sunny.

Or what about that time when you stepped into the shower for a second and your phone started ringing?

Go ahead and read into it more. You'll find it quite enlightening, I promise.

So I'm walking over to the troublemaker when suddenly, of all the things that could happen, the power goes kaput.

All the lights are gone. The lights inside and outside the station, the traffic lights, street lights - gone.

Only the headlights of a few cars illuminate the area.

People start shouting. I hear doors banging.

A few bogans rev their V8 engines. They're at a petrol station, wasting what they put in just a minute ago.

Some people honk their horns, as if that will do anything.

Petrol hog has hogged so much petrol that even power to the neighbourhood has buggered off.

Look at what you've done. Said Jet.

Even if you've got an electric car hooked up to the wall, there's no escaping the inevitable petrol hog.

Then it hits me. What if the zombie apocalypse is starting?? What if Petrol Hog is right and we all need to fill up our petrol suitcases??

Some loser starts playing "Dancing In The Moonlight" by Toploader very loudly in their car.

They are destroying my moment of fantasy.

Shortly though the power comes back and the hog resumes hogging. I walk on over and tell him the lady in the car behind is not happy, Jan.

Not happy, Jan!

He starts packing away his jerrycans, pays and drives off. Not long after it is my turn for fuel. What a night it has been!

Instead of opening the little hatch for the petrol to go in, I open the boot.

There's five jerrycans in there.

Might as well fill them up while I'm here, right?






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